Thoughts from On High

I have a confession to make: I am petrified of heights. Actually, I kind of love heights but I often get vertigo when I'm up high and that can be very scary. The only thing that trumps those fears is my fear of ladders. I fell off a very tall one as a kid and since then they make me really nervous. This is compounded by a string of ladder-related accidents in my family involving broken bones and emergency room visits. I don't have many fears that I haven't manage to conquer or at least relieve, but the ladder thing seems insurmountable.

The problem is, at 5' tall, I really need ladders. My boyfriend and I live in a tiny 2-bedroom rental apartment with high ceilings and have a LOT of stuff (mostly mine) so we are constantly trying to create and utilize all kinds of storage. We have tall shelving units and some cubbies up near the ceiling that we use for items that are seasonal or rarely needed. It's the perfect solution except that I always seem to need things from up there when he's not home!

I hate being dependent on him for anything but love and affection. I really do. Even when he is home I'd rather just get things down for myself and feel guilty when I have to ask him for help. On the other hand, I'd rather avoid using a ladder and those should be held by a helper, anyway.

The end result is that every time I need to get something down I go through a minor crisis moment. Such a waste of time and mental energy, but I can't help it.

Someday I'll have my dream kitchen, with those step stools that hide in the kickboards and maybe even those racks that bring upper shelf contents right down to you. Someday I'll have bookshelves with fixed ladders (at least I know they are unlikely to crash, so maybe they'd be less scary) that roll along, like in movies and fancy houses. Every time I find a new way to make high things more accessible I file it in an interior design journal I keep.

For now, though, I just need to find a way to make everyday life a little less full of fear. Find a way to make my palms stay dry while handling fragile items on a ladder, a way to make the dizziness dissipate.

At this moment, I need to dig out the ladder and grab my glass pitcher so I can make some iced tea. This should not be this difficult!